The Tsuna Effect
by half-sleeping
Summary: Reborn arranges for the family to train with the Varia in a villa in the mountains. Hijinks ensue.


**S**et whenever they are no longer tiny tiny children, say when the general family is 20-21

Later it would be called the tenth effect, or the Tsuna effect, by people too drunk or stupid to watch their mouths spout the most absurd nonsense Xanxus has ever heard. Or thought.

It goes thus: Assassins, Mafiosos, or just general everybody who tries to kill Sawada Tsunayoshi and, inevitably, fails, will see the error of their ways, turn ways, and spend the rest of their lives in something akin to total and utter devotion to the tenth leader of the Vongola family.

Which is utter and total _bullshit_, as far as Xanxus is concerned. Devotion and loyalty are for low-level trash to extend to him, and trash can only obtain the devotion of other trash.

(When Squalo has absolutely nothing to do during recuperation except aggravate his head injuries, he goes snooping in the Callavone's files and reads furiously about the Guardians, about Sawada's connections, his utterly unbelievable lineup of not-trash allies and, out of grabbing range, recites to half the Varia the fact that no less than three of Sawada's staunchest/strongest allies (Gokudera Hayato, Mukuro Rokudo and Lanchia, the last two aka those two who pretty much showed up and blindsided us in the face) joined him after a failed assassination attempt and now serve him with every sign of complete and utter- (here, Xanxus throws something at his head))

Accept the kid- doable. Just. Barely.

Worship him? It's enough to make him wonder if the strikes to head haven't damaged Squalo's mind more than it already has been.

This is the sort of thing that Xanxus thinks during a sort of training mission organized by the Arcobaleno (who are all _fucking batshit insane_, Viper/Mammon included) in lieu of thinking about ripping off all their noisy little trash mouths and beating them _dead_.

He is still determinedly not thinking about giving in to the pervasive urge to smack the noisy brats when Squalo, Bel and Lissuria come up with the groundbreaking and genius idea to get all the brats drunk, and force them to undergo the next day's training with hangovers the size of dump trucks. If any of the three Arcobaleno hear about it, they keep their mouths shut. Xanxus hears about it, and privately entertains thoughts of dodge-the-dying-will-bullets with trash in the morning. If any of the brats hear about it, Mukuro taunts most of them into drinking anyway.

.0.

Because both their lives generally _suck_, Tsuna and Xanxus find themselves more or less alone together, watching the brats and the trash play base-bomb with swords for bats and Bel's wires and knives to mark the lines or whatever shit you need to run in baseball. None of the participants can walk, let alone run, in a straight line, since some of the brats have stomachs like fucking iron and brains aren't exactly a popular trait in the Varia but insane competitiveness is.

Tsuna manages to stay out of it, and keeps the small assassins from being trampled when they pass out, thus sparing them all from random ten-year trips and base-dumpling.

Neither of them have drunk anywhere near as much as the glorious athletes down there, but Xanxus at least is aware that he's drunk probably more than he should, since alcohol has never really been his poison and he's fairly certain the three geniuses who planned this roofied at least half the drinks.

If they had managed to remember which half they roofied, they wouldn't be such useless trash, but they haven't and thus trash they are destined to remain.

Time's taken away a lot of Sawada's old dame-ness, and alcohol does for the rest, so he sits easy and comfortable next to the person who plotted to kill him and all his friends and almost succeeded in doing so, chatting light-heartedly to what, Xanxus at least remembering that enemies are not talked to so casually, basically amounts to empty air.

Instead of listening he watches Tsuna, and fuzzily- almost mellow- tracks the changes time has wrought on him, the quiet determination, the air of easy power and uneasy responsibility, and ponders the Tsuna Effect, wonders why this trash keeps winning and winning and winning, which makes him- not. Trash.

Tsuna is outlined in the convenient moonlight, all big shiny eyes and sharp face planes and soft mouth, utterly happy and content and at peace with the world, and Xanxus wants to hate him just for existing but it's. difficult. To hate Tsuna.

It's difficult to hate someone who tries to embody all things good in this world.

How can a mafia boss be so good, so devoted to the best interests of everybody but him? When Xanxus was the ninth's son he- Xanxus immediately drags his thoughts away (resolves to _kill_ the idiots in the morning) and tunes back in to Tsuna's babbling in time to hear, "…but you're so _awesome_, Xanxus-san, I wish I was as good as you."

_You're not,_ xanxus thinks, _you're better, you've beaten me-_ Caught between his own thoughts and Tsuna's words, he applies the famous drunken logic to his situation, and – _anything to make him shut up_- pulls Tsuna forward and kisses him, mouth hard and practiced and skillful, buries himself in the sensation and- doesn't stop to think, because he's not sure he can bear to.

The adrenalin rush is something like battle, and furious movement and careful pacing and plans and such- but sometimes pacing and plans go out the window, and all that matters is the next frantic movement, and touching and_touching_ and pleasure and pain.

Somewhere in this is a joke about the famous Vongola intuition, but those on the receiving end of it hardly find themselves in a position to make jokes.

Xanxus hurts Tsuna. He_knows_ he does, even he though hadn't really meant to.

Tsuna doesn't seem to care.

.0.

It's in the morning, when Squalo kicks open his door (braving further head injuries) to tell Xanxus the extent to which the brats are clutching their heads and throwing up in agony (as well as to demand exactly why he has shrapnel lodged in his sword), that he sees Tsuna naked and covered with hand-shaped bruises and lots of sex bites _in Xanxus's bed_, as well as his exalted leader with a quasi-horrified look on his face, equally naked, in that same bed, that the shit _really_ hits the fan.

-omake-

Xanxus, unfortunately, has no real choice except to chalk up another one to the Tsuna effect when Hibari Kyouya strides past a hysterical Squalo, takes in the above scene with fractionally widening eyes, and without a single pause swoops in to bite Xanxus to death.

-end-


End file.
